I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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