At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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