Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
ok first of all what the fuck
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
