people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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