turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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