she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
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I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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