don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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