Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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