I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
