I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
