Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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