I can tuck mytits in my pants
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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