I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
a search helicopter?!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
