Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
