Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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