In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
