i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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