Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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