Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
