SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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