I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
