weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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