I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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