No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
