did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
