it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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