if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
