I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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