I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
