She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
this hospital has no fireball
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
