I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
