I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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