i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I wish there were birth control emojis
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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