is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
