He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
