it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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