I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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