his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
