I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
