both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
