4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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