it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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