This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
