Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize