Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
