You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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