People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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