A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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