he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
