I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
