they need to just BURY HIM!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
