Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
