Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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