You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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