Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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