I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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