false alarm. still invincible.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
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